My Baby, once you are big and read this you will think maybe I was not a Yogi mother. So I tell you here why I am still a Yogini. Also when I am still full time busy with being a mother, with cleaning the floor at least 3 times a day where you have spread the food I gave you to eat actually... and making food for that you can spill it all over the floors. :-D ... This is all karma Yoga. No time to do 1 hour Asana practise. Sometimes a few Asana here and there in between. Meditation is not possible, you come always in my mind and remind me to do something or tos get sleep, because you still don't like to sleep all through the night. My love you need still at least 5 times in the night milk. ... To give you all my concentration is my meditation. I love you unconditionally, this let me feel a bit of the love of god. For me it is divine love as purest human love possible. <3 "Remember yourself for all that you are...a beautiful child of the cosmos. Filled with a strong feminine energy that will change the world You recognize the strength of those around you The ability to change things at the snap of a finger, Is not all but on you You will heal and you will fix You will do great things You will achieve your wildest dreams You will live completely happy You do heal and fix You already do great things You already achieve your wildest dreams You live completely happy You are okay You are okay You are okay Remember the strong force you are. With roots so deep the touch the core Turning to ash - as your purest form, but materializing back on the opposite side of the core As strong roots that rise up once again to the sunlight and the stars You do not break when others tell you to, and you do not break when you tell yourself to. Remember yourself, for who you are Not what you are told you are Not what you think you are What you really are When you are pure Goddess of love, light, acceptance... Angelic force of icy blue light, Vibrant and Earthbound, Beautiful with a mind made up of the stars, and a body of universes. You conquer. You are always pure Young on this Earth, old in the galaxies Living two worlds, but separated by a shimmering veil Aware Always safe in the arms of yourself Everything is okay You have no worries, Because you have all the answers already Become who you are meant to be." (I found on youtube, from Savannah Williams) Now you are 1 year old, actually not a baby anymore. I remember how happy I was to have you around the clock sfly under my blanket when you are born. And with 1 week you begun to dream and observe your world with big open eyes. Many people came to see you and wish you good fortune. After 1 month you have changed already a lot in our life. It seems you are mostly happy. :) September we had to go to India with you, also when you are just 2 moth old, but you are very brave and adventurous. Once we had arrived Gokarna, a few days later you are even able to hold your head alone. Oktober 2018 was crazy with a lot of rain but we managed to stay healthy and happy. You learned to find your hands and feets and to move a lot. Even you could lie down on the tummy and watch computer cartoons. :-D November 2018 we got used to it to be in india. The team of shree Hari Yoga in Gokarna was helping us with food and to have less work. Mia changed in this month most, she begun to feel biting because of teeths and wanted to try food, she got many friends, bath in the ocean and begun to crawl nicely. December 2018 Mia is 5 month old and we could enjoy already to go swimming for a longer time with her. She was so happy, mostly she didn't cry and laugh a lot. Also she was talking often. Everyone who met or saw her fell in love with her. In January 2019 you got your first teeth. (Untere Schneidezähne) And you got your first meal, Ragi. February 2019 became very difficult. Mia wanted to walk and explore everything and space for this was very less. Here I begun to count the time to go to germany. It was to hot outside and inside. But we made the best out of it and went to the jungle and ocean.
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Today I felt good, after horrible trials to build a shelf and a falling door from the kitchen, etc. today was really a good day. :)
My very good friend Mimi, my always lifesafer, my elf helped me a lot today to get something done in my flat. After this I went to another friend from srf for kirtan. Mia enjoyed a lot and danced even. So cute! :) It was good to see also my friend Ram and other yogis! I felt a little normal today, it was good to breath. :) It is so difficult to be a single mother...wow.
Respect to them who have more then just 1 child...puh... Now I see what it means to be really in need of the father of the child. There is no "I" anymore, just "she" ... it is ok, but I am afraid to lose myself...It is difficult to wash my hair without that she will cry after me. She is too small to be alone, and to bis to sleep a lot. Mostly only if I go out with her with the trolly or in my sling. I don't know how to move, buy all the furniture and repair, arrange etc. ...my family is helping a little and build my kitchen...but my friends have not much time to help. It's not easy, my life will not become easier...what a test and learning episode... The funny thing is it is always different as expected. First I thought I can practise in the morning yoga and meditate in the evening when Mia is sleeping. This might work if you have nothing else to do. But for me it looks now different. I do from 9 or 10, dependent when my baby is asleep my work. I answer for Shree Hari Yoga emails, and then I am looking for an new apartment in Berlin, what is not easy and do other things..mostly until 12 in the night. After all my work I fall so tired in my bed. Mia want all 2-3 hours that I breast feed her, so I also have no constant sleep. around 7 -8 she awakes. Imagine how much sleep I have. My brother even suggest me to wake up earlier and do my work then..but this won't work, I am sure because of no constant sleeping, anyway I am super tired morning... :-p That is also the reason why Yoga in the morning is very hard...also when your baby constantly comes and want into your arm and lifted etc. :-D... I don't know how some moms are able to do this, respect! Only if I had a good sleep night I am able to do this. So maybe once or twice a month I do my sadana now. I never thought I will be like this..but I hope the time will come soon when it will be better. Also when I really adore my baby and love her like nothing else, I need my time too. But I am also enjoying this very close time with her and spend my time and love her as much I can. This is my Bhakti and Karma Yoga. :) With 6 month she learnt now to wave to others and say "tata" and she is crawling and climbing and standing on things...wow..so nice to see how she grows! <3 5 month are already over, and nothing of my expectations happened. One side good, at the other hand I feel I have wasted time here in Gokarna. |
About the AutorBorn in April 1985 Saxony / Germany Kategorien |